tasting the fruits of work

I just found out that I love being able to spend the money that I earn. It feels so good! :) I guess there's a great sense of fulfilment when you're able to taste some of the fruits of your work. It's one of the great things about being employed! I don't understand people who don't like to hold a job and people who want to retire early. Maybe they were brought up differently or have different priorities in life.

But work to me gives me quite a great sense of fulfilment - intangibly and tangibly. :) And despite the challenges, I think working is a blessing.

Devotions, Quiet Time

Ever since I've started work at the beginning of the year, it's been pretty hard to slow down and find rest in His Word. I wouldn't say I have no time to rest, but I've been easily distracted by many things - videos, taylor swift, tv and other shows. It's like, I work so hard so I want to play hard as well, leaving me little time to rest and reflect.

And I don't seem to possess any good devotion material. Maybe it's because I don't put in the effort to look for one. I don't like the kind of devotions with stories and reflections from people (unless they're from like CS Lewis or Ravi Zacharias..haha). Yet, I don't like devotions that are too heavy as well where I have to spend a lot of time and energy analysing a passage that will take a while to really comprehend or devotions that are too "preachy" in style. I hope it's okay to be picky.

Anyway, there's this website that's been pretty good so far. And reading the material has been encouraging at times and helps me reflect on truth(s) about His Word daily. Been reading it almost everyday for my Quiet Time for now.

http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity.aspx

Giving thanks for good friends

I realised that I've been blessed with many good friends. Friends that I feel comfortable with, friends who've been there with me through different seasons in life - the happy, the joyful, the sad, the sian, the stressful and tired moments. I feel blessed to just have good friends in my life.

I find it almost miraculous to be able to find good friends. Friendship is quite a curious thing. It's pretty difficult to create a good friendship or plan for one. Many times it just happens because of life circumstances, (mis)match of personalities, interests, or "coincidence" - people are just there at the right place and at the right time.

Like I never thought I'd be best friends with my best friend. We're so different and I never planned to ever be close to her to be honest because we're so different! But now we're best friends.

I never thought I'd be quite close with 2 of my university mates too. We've known each other (at least by face) since secondary school but we only became much closer in university. It's pretty cool.

I'm thankful for these friendships that God has blessed me with. I pray that they'll last and I hope we'll stay committed to them. Because good friendships don't come by that easily.

Dance in the rain

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain" - taylor swift

Inspiring words for this season in life. It's tempting to go through the whole drudgery of work and life when it gets tough, tiring or stressful. I just want to feel sian all day long and struggle to "survive". It's a good reminder that I don't just want to "survive". I want to consider this season a joyful experience when I remember who I will be becoming, the people that I will be impacting, the seed and values that I'll be sowing, the Person I'll be knowing.

Press on! And remember to be thankful and enjoy the moment!

Tough day

A tough day.. :( Don't like the feeling of being down.

Anyway, recently, I've pasted 2 small pieces of blank paper on my cupboard so that I can write thanksgivings for the day and I can write one character of God I'm reminded of for the day.

Really helps remind me that I still have things to be thankful for and to remember Him when I feel weighed down and inadequate.

one of the most awesome ladies i've ever met

Just this week, I was informed that my supervisor will not be my supervisor at work anymore. My initial reaction was "okay can". but then, I started to realise how much it actually affected me. I was quite affected by the loss.

this lady has been there for me through most of my cases, especially the crisis ones. Crisis cases in my work context means suicide/violence-type cases. Being quite a noob at my job, she's always patiently guiding me. She's also quite good with her advice and skills that she imparts to me. I learn and grow from her guidance during our sessions.

But there's something so different about this lady. Something so beautiful and attractive. So far, I've had a few supervisors in the various settings I was in. Of course, they were all skilled and experienced and I've had generally "ok" experience with working with them. But she really stands out.

Given my personality and upbringing and some of my old self, I've always had the pressure to perform, to meet up to a standard, and I try to grow towards that standard. The pressure varies of course, but it was always there. But with this lady supervisor, the pressure is minimal. Perhaps enough to keep me going and wanting to keep learning. And I've never felt a sense of liberation before. There is room to grow at my pace and there is motivation to grow and learn. Yet, I don't feel that same pressure to perform and meet a certain fixed standard during our sessions. I can freely share my assessment, feelings and reflections.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think the other supervisors or people i've encountered were really the key factors to make me feel pressured. It's in me to want to perform so well, you could say that I'm the cause of my own misery. haha.

Anyway, back to this lady.

She has indirectly taught me, through the way she interacts and guides me during our sessions, that I don't have to perform and strive so hard anymore. She accepts and validates my feelings, reflections and point of view (haha, so counsellor), yet she also teaches me knowledge and skills. Learning becomes so fun. I look forward to every supervision session we have. Every single one. Because I know I will enjoy learning.

I'll always remember this experience that I have with her. I also want to learn to treat others this way - to accept them for who they are and give them the freedom to grow. Of course, I acknowledge that this freedom is within boundaries. Some boundaries are always fixed, others change depending on other factors like developmental age etc. It's always easy as a mentor to want my mentees to fit into my mold and my standard. It's easy as a social worker too, to want clients to do what I want to them to do, instead of what they want to do. I hope to be more person-centred within a God-centred view.

This lady has shown me how it can be.

back to the source

This weekend's retreat was really quite good, better than I expected. Initially I was quite "nua", you know, just being the usual me. I tend to shun from activities if possible and I always only like to chill if I had a choice. But I've come to realise that many many decisions in life cannot be based just on mere feelings. And strangely enough, sometimes when you don't act based on just your feelings, but also by principle and purpose, you experience a greater sense of fulfilment.

And that's what I experienced during the retreat.

I think my faith was stretched and challenged again, and the retreat reminded me about how I cannot just stay comfortable where I am, whether it is in my faith or in my ministry or in life too. There's always more, always room to grow, even though sometimes they are just reminders and things that are nothing new. And I really hope that by grace, I'll grow and people will grow too.

I realised during the retreat that love, joy, peace, patience etc and many other virtues that we all would like the embrace and uphold cannot be truly lived out without our relationship with Someone greater than us. That's so..humbling. As a social worker, sometimes it's easy to just believe in these values and virtues and deem them the "ultimate" thing in life. But if all these virtues are isolated from this Relationship, we are at best Man-centred. But love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control as they were meant to be are so much more radical when we begin to know Him. We become God-centric rather than Man-centred/Idol(whoever or whatever they may be)-centred.

Thankful for the retreat. Thankful for the brothers and sisters. Thankful for grace and mercy.

Trivial worries

3 of my friends are getting married next year and I worry about not having a dress to wear. I only have one dress which I already wore to a friend's wedding this year, which was my prom dress.

I can't possibly wear the same dress to all 3 weddings next year because they happen to know each other and photos will be taken.

Time to get 3 new dresses. What a task for a busy person like me who doesn't really like shopping much. I don't know why I don't have that much interest in looking good ever since I got busy doing other supposedly more "important" things. Wonder whether it's a good or bad thing. I'm 23! Isn't this time like the time of my life that I'm suppose to look my best? Oh well... I think it's too tiring to be thinking so much about dressing well... as long as I look presentable and I'm comfortable with how I look, I'm okay with that. I hope I'm not being abnormal to not like shopping and fashion so much.

On a happy note, I'm really excited for those 3 weddings though! :) They're awesome people!

Being sick

I've finally fallen sick after like 6 months! Which is the longest time I've taken to fall sick for the past 5 years, if I remember correctly.

I really don't like the feeling of being sick (no one does I guess). Feeling weak, runny nose and headache. :( But I'm thankful that I can take this opportunity to rest from work and that I don't have a lot of work to clear so it's less frustrating.

I need a good breakfast, medication from the doctor and rest.