I just had the most painful ordeal in my entire life - removing ear wax from my infected ear. I've never experienced so much pain before. It was so painful that at one moment I felt like I was "high" and the room was spinning. But I'm glad I braved the pain and to some extent I'm proud of myself. I've never been so fearless when it comes to pain before (I guess it's because I didn't have a choice). Thanks to my boyfriend too who was there with me, I think his presence made a huge difference, at least I had a physical hand to hold and squeeze rather than some cold metal railing beside the bed.
Now looking back it was pretty hilarious. I was in such pain before the removal process that I sort of scolded him not to go on explaining anything to me and to shut up when the doc was removing the ear wax because my mind had no energy to process any explanation when it's damn painful. But he was awesome.. such great emotional and moral support. :) And before the process, I asked the doctor my first stupid question, "has anyone gone through this before?" The answer was yes. My second stupid question was, "and they survived?" Well, I think he must have thought I was nuts or just childish and ignorant. Another stupid remark I made was that I was gonna get PTSD after the removal. And I was actually quite serious and scared of that possibility. How silly.
The doctor had actually recommended me to go for General Anesthesia (GA) in order to remove the wax because he saw how painful it was for me when he tried removing it at first try. Obviously I wanted that option, despite the risks for GA. My aunt was laughing at me when I told her I wanted to go for GA to remove the wax. She said my threshold of pain super low and she exclaimed, "what?!?! you want to go for GA just to remove wax from your ear?". I'm such a princess, aren't I? :( But seriously, it's "damn pain"- and I'm echoing the words of the doctor. So who wouldn't opt for the less painful option? But well, I didn't get to have GA in the end because it couldn't be done as I had eaten food in the morning so I had to choose between 15-20 minutes of pain (remove wax without GA) and 24 hours of pain (if wax not removed). Of course I chose the former, like anyone in the right mind would.
So today I can finally breathe. I have been suffering for the past week, over dosing myself with pain killers because my ear was so painful due to the wax and infection. I can finally take a break from the pain and the yucky medicine.
Thank God for providing the opportunity to get an appointment today to see the ear specialist. It was suppose to be tomorrow but I couldn't hold it out anymore. It was really "damn pain". I could just curse and swear every moment (of course I didn't really). I couldn't sleep last night because of the excruciating pain so I went to ask for help at the hospitals at 4am in the morning.
Thankful to my boyfriend who was making the decisions and speaking to the doctors for me when I could hardly think and "dying" from the pain so early in the morning. I really would have "died of pain" (if it's even possible) without him around. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but I really don't know what would become of me without him. I was psychologically distressed due to the pain, I couldn't really make any decisions about where to go and what to do.
And I'm really thankful to the ear specialist. He really saved my life.
Thank God for watching over us and His grace and strength even though I had little energy and even mental strength to pray or think about Him.
I feel so weak now. I should be resting. But what a memorable day.
“Safe?”.... Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.- The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Praising Him on Christmas
the Babe of Bethlehem clothed himself with dust so that the person of dust may be eternally clothed with glory. - J.M. Njoroge
It's been a while since I really enjoyed worshipping through songs. It's the moment when when you really mean what you sing and you feel sincere in the words you sing. And it's not because the music had anything to do with evoking any feelings.
Well, before Christmas service today, I was reading an article by JM Njoroge on RZIM and it was about how seemingly insignificant things are significant. It really encouraged me to realise how significant my life can be. Sometimes it's easy to get discouraged and think that I'm dispensable, whether in ministry, in my friendships, in my work. I sometimes think that there's always someone better than me and there will always be someone better to serve in my place, to be a better friend, a better mentor, a better girlfriend. I'm too ordinary and I sometimes even think that I'm not good enough.
I think it is true that I'm not good enough in many aspects, but I was really encouraged by the the article that expressed how God uses even the most ordinary and unlikely people in Scripture. It gives me greater courage and strength to know that even in my weaknesses, my trials, and being ordinary, I'm still part of a bigger picture, even though I may not see that bigger picture in God's mind. God is still at work, even though things may not make sense or I may feel inadequate, lousy, discouraged or plain and ordinary. Knowing that God is still at work encourages me to press on this journey too because I am learning to trust that I'm part of a far bigger and glorious picture.
And we see Christ, humbling Himself to come as a baby born in a manger. God, taking on human flesh. He became insignificant and walked among us ordinary human beings. Yet God used the very humbled state of Christ, the trials of Christ, the death of Christ to bring Himself glory, and to give us the hope of glory.
I was able to worship in song on Christmas day, because there's so much to praise God for - for Jesus, for who He is, and who I am in Him. I don't need to be discouraged by how weak I am and how insignificant I am anymore. I can praise Him, I can worship Him because of Jesus.
The article: http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity/todaysslice.aspx?aid=11051
It's been a while since I really enjoyed worshipping through songs. It's the moment when when you really mean what you sing and you feel sincere in the words you sing. And it's not because the music had anything to do with evoking any feelings.
Well, before Christmas service today, I was reading an article by JM Njoroge on RZIM and it was about how seemingly insignificant things are significant. It really encouraged me to realise how significant my life can be. Sometimes it's easy to get discouraged and think that I'm dispensable, whether in ministry, in my friendships, in my work. I sometimes think that there's always someone better than me and there will always be someone better to serve in my place, to be a better friend, a better mentor, a better girlfriend. I'm too ordinary and I sometimes even think that I'm not good enough.
I think it is true that I'm not good enough in many aspects, but I was really encouraged by the the article that expressed how God uses even the most ordinary and unlikely people in Scripture. It gives me greater courage and strength to know that even in my weaknesses, my trials, and being ordinary, I'm still part of a bigger picture, even though I may not see that bigger picture in God's mind. God is still at work, even though things may not make sense or I may feel inadequate, lousy, discouraged or plain and ordinary. Knowing that God is still at work encourages me to press on this journey too because I am learning to trust that I'm part of a far bigger and glorious picture.
And we see Christ, humbling Himself to come as a baby born in a manger. God, taking on human flesh. He became insignificant and walked among us ordinary human beings. Yet God used the very humbled state of Christ, the trials of Christ, the death of Christ to bring Himself glory, and to give us the hope of glory.
I was able to worship in song on Christmas day, because there's so much to praise God for - for Jesus, for who He is, and who I am in Him. I don't need to be discouraged by how weak I am and how insignificant I am anymore. I can praise Him, I can worship Him because of Jesus.
The article: http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity/todaysslice.aspx?aid=11051
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Awesome colleagues
I realise how blessed I am when I think about how I've got wonderful colleagues who've been so supportive and caring to me this first year at work. It's great when you can be yourself at the work place and not pretend to be someone you're not. I think I'm beginning to love myself more when I can be myself and others just accept me for who I am. It's almost miraculous that we can get along well with one another. I've never really experienced anything like this - such great synergy amongst a relatively large group of people. They're teaching me to put others' interest first and what it means to work as a team. It's possible that there can be no politics.
Today my supervisor gave me a handphone pouch. It's one of the most thoughtful gifts I've received! You see, my existing handphone pouch was really torn and tattered and I didn't have the time and energy to even think of getting a new one. So it was really sweet that she noticed and got it for me. really made my day.
Today my supervisor gave me a handphone pouch. It's one of the most thoughtful gifts I've received! You see, my existing handphone pouch was really torn and tattered and I didn't have the time and energy to even think of getting a new one. So it was really sweet that she noticed and got it for me. really made my day.
Friday, December 16, 2011
believers must think and thinkers can believe
Even though I've been a believer for some time, I still have many questions about the faith and issues that I struggle with. Maybe it's precisely because I've grown up in a believing family that I used to take some truths for granted, without previously thinking through them. Ravi Zachariah's ministries has been such a great encouragement to me as a believer. It gives me assurance that it is okay to have doubts, questions and struggles in the faith. It's been a while since I sincerely look forward to doing devotions each day. I do enjoy reading "today's slice" or listening to a broadcast. They've been helpful so far.
I used to come home from work thinking of going online to youtube or facebook or taylor swift website, but now I return home being somewhat excited about going to rzim website to just read or listen to a topic of interest, struggle or doubt. In my heart, I hope that all these articles or broadcasts will not just stay as head knowledge, but that I'll understand and develop strong convictions about issues, especially those that I struggle with.
There's this book that I really hope to get some day. It sounds so good:
Life really hasn't been easy. And it's in these moments that I find myself asking more questions and I cannot stay satisfied if I don't grapple with them and deal with the mess and confusion in my head and my heart.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Making Music
I'm thankful to be able to make music and to be learning to make music. Although I'm classically trained, I am now learning how to play pop/rock keyboard. Keyboard lessons have started not too long ago and it's been interesting so far. I didn't know that music was so mathematical yet so art-sy. I'm fascinated and feel accomplished when I can actually put my ears to good use!
Being able to make music is one of the best feelings in the world. It's fun, challenging and enjoyable. I'm glad that God gave us music. The world will be such a sad place without it. Being a person who's pretty much hobby-less (I don't really enjoy sports, cooking, baking, gardening, and making things), I'm happy that I've found something that I can enjoy and continue to grow in. Actually one of my biggest dream is to be able to write and compose music. But I'm really not much of a composer, in fact, I am really bad at it. So I'll be content with being able to make music. Hopefully, I can do it well and put it to good use.
Friday, December 9, 2011
God in the darkness
An encouraging article from RZIM website about how God is still with us, and can be with us even in the darkest moments in our lives...
The hope of Advent for all is that God is in the darkness with us, though our experience of God may seem as clear as shifting shadow. Yet God's coming near to us in the person of Jesus is not hindered by the darkness of this world or of our own lives. We may fear our dark despair hides us from God, but the treasure of God's presence awaits us even there—for the darkness is as light to God. (Manning, 2011)
more of this article on http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity/todaysslice.aspx?aid=11031
The hope of Advent for all is that God is in the darkness with us, though our experience of God may seem as clear as shifting shadow. Yet God's coming near to us in the person of Jesus is not hindered by the darkness of this world or of our own lives. We may fear our dark despair hides us from God, but the treasure of God's presence awaits us even there—for the darkness is as light to God. (Manning, 2011)
more of this article on http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity/todaysslice.aspx?aid=11031
Monday, December 5, 2011
Young Adulthood
Just when you think that you've gone past the whole terrible adolescent stage where you're still looking for yourself and dealing with all the hormonal changes and you think you're finally more settled as a person, you realise that young adulthood isn't actually the most fun life stage to be at times.
You start asking even deeper and more difficult questions, you question your faith and how your faith affects your daily experiences, especially the painful ones. You start to question societal norms, your own values. You start to wonder how you can still actually understand your faith, in the face of the complex world cos you realise that there are no quick or easy answers to life's questions and circumstances.
And then there's this whole future thing about career, marriage, financial planning etc. I hope I'm not the only one who's feeling intimidated by the "adult" stuff.
And suddenly, you are on your own. No one can tell you what to do or how to think anymore.
Maybe I've been so sheltered so it may contribute to this feeling of not feeling like I'm an adult. It's like..I kind of still want to be a youth. So it's kinda scary and uncomfortable at times. But I must admit it can be fulfilling and challenging too when you have a greater capacity and can create greater impact in various ways and people start taking you more seriously.
Just some thoughts before I head off to bed. Tomorrow will be another day at work.
You start asking even deeper and more difficult questions, you question your faith and how your faith affects your daily experiences, especially the painful ones. You start to question societal norms, your own values. You start to wonder how you can still actually understand your faith, in the face of the complex world cos you realise that there are no quick or easy answers to life's questions and circumstances.
And then there's this whole future thing about career, marriage, financial planning etc. I hope I'm not the only one who's feeling intimidated by the "adult" stuff.
And suddenly, you are on your own. No one can tell you what to do or how to think anymore.
Maybe I've been so sheltered so it may contribute to this feeling of not feeling like I'm an adult. It's like..I kind of still want to be a youth. So it's kinda scary and uncomfortable at times. But I must admit it can be fulfilling and challenging too when you have a greater capacity and can create greater impact in various ways and people start taking you more seriously.
Just some thoughts before I head off to bed. Tomorrow will be another day at work.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Mandy Moore
I love Mandy Moore and her voice! She's got one of the most awesome voices I've ever heard! : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvhPr_FKwsY&feature=related
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Head and Heart
In times of trial and difficulties, I wish my faith and God can be more real to be than the circumstances that I am facing. But so often it's otherwise.
How can I experience the reality of Christ in my life, even in difficult circumstances? It's easy to know the truths about God, the character of God. But how can we be so assured? How can head knowledge become a "heart" knowledge?
How can I experience the reality of Christ in my life, even in difficult circumstances? It's easy to know the truths about God, the character of God. But how can we be so assured? How can head knowledge become a "heart" knowledge?
Saturday, November 26, 2011
tasting the fruits of work
I just found out that I love being able to spend the money that I earn. It feels so good! :) I guess there's a great sense of fulfilment when you're able to taste some of the fruits of your work. It's one of the great things about being employed! I don't understand people who don't like to hold a job and people who want to retire early. Maybe they were brought up differently or have different priorities in life.
But work to me gives me quite a great sense of fulfilment - intangibly and tangibly. :) And despite the challenges, I think working is a blessing.
But work to me gives me quite a great sense of fulfilment - intangibly and tangibly. :) And despite the challenges, I think working is a blessing.
Devotions, Quiet Time
Ever since I've started work at the beginning of the year, it's been pretty hard to slow down and find rest in His Word. I wouldn't say I have no time to rest, but I've been easily distracted by many things - videos, taylor swift, tv and other shows. It's like, I work so hard so I want to play hard as well, leaving me little time to rest and reflect.
And I don't seem to possess any good devotion material. Maybe it's because I don't put in the effort to look for one. I don't like the kind of devotions with stories and reflections from people (unless they're from like CS Lewis or Ravi Zacharias..haha). Yet, I don't like devotions that are too heavy as well where I have to spend a lot of time and energy analysing a passage that will take a while to really comprehend or devotions that are too "preachy" in style. I hope it's okay to be picky.
Anyway, there's this website that's been pretty good so far. And reading the material has been encouraging at times and helps me reflect on truth(s) about His Word daily. Been reading it almost everyday for my Quiet Time for now.
http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity.aspx
And I don't seem to possess any good devotion material. Maybe it's because I don't put in the effort to look for one. I don't like the kind of devotions with stories and reflections from people (unless they're from like CS Lewis or Ravi Zacharias..haha). Yet, I don't like devotions that are too heavy as well where I have to spend a lot of time and energy analysing a passage that will take a while to really comprehend or devotions that are too "preachy" in style. I hope it's okay to be picky.
Anyway, there's this website that's been pretty good so far. And reading the material has been encouraging at times and helps me reflect on truth(s) about His Word daily. Been reading it almost everyday for my Quiet Time for now.
http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity.aspx
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Giving thanks for good friends
I realised that I've been blessed with many good friends. Friends that I feel comfortable with, friends who've been there with me through different seasons in life - the happy, the joyful, the sad, the sian, the stressful and tired moments. I feel blessed to just have good friends in my life.
I find it almost miraculous to be able to find good friends. Friendship is quite a curious thing. It's pretty difficult to create a good friendship or plan for one. Many times it just happens because of life circumstances, (mis)match of personalities, interests, or "coincidence" - people are just there at the right place and at the right time.
Like I never thought I'd be best friends with my best friend. We're so different and I never planned to ever be close to her to be honest because we're so different! But now we're best friends.
I never thought I'd be quite close with 2 of my university mates too. We've known each other (at least by face) since secondary school but we only became much closer in university. It's pretty cool.
I'm thankful for these friendships that God has blessed me with. I pray that they'll last and I hope we'll stay committed to them. Because good friendships don't come by that easily.
I find it almost miraculous to be able to find good friends. Friendship is quite a curious thing. It's pretty difficult to create a good friendship or plan for one. Many times it just happens because of life circumstances, (mis)match of personalities, interests, or "coincidence" - people are just there at the right place and at the right time.
Like I never thought I'd be best friends with my best friend. We're so different and I never planned to ever be close to her to be honest because we're so different! But now we're best friends.
I never thought I'd be quite close with 2 of my university mates too. We've known each other (at least by face) since secondary school but we only became much closer in university. It's pretty cool.
I'm thankful for these friendships that God has blessed me with. I pray that they'll last and I hope we'll stay committed to them. Because good friendships don't come by that easily.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Dance in the rain
"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain" - taylor swift
Inspiring words for this season in life. It's tempting to go through the whole drudgery of work and life when it gets tough, tiring or stressful. I just want to feel sian all day long and struggle to "survive". It's a good reminder that I don't just want to "survive". I want to consider this season a joyful experience when I remember who I will be becoming, the people that I will be impacting, the seed and values that I'll be sowing, the Person I'll be knowing.
Press on! And remember to be thankful and enjoy the moment!
Inspiring words for this season in life. It's tempting to go through the whole drudgery of work and life when it gets tough, tiring or stressful. I just want to feel sian all day long and struggle to "survive". It's a good reminder that I don't just want to "survive". I want to consider this season a joyful experience when I remember who I will be becoming, the people that I will be impacting, the seed and values that I'll be sowing, the Person I'll be knowing.
Press on! And remember to be thankful and enjoy the moment!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tough day
A tough day.. :( Don't like the feeling of being down.
Anyway, recently, I've pasted 2 small pieces of blank paper on my cupboard so that I can write thanksgivings for the day and I can write one character of God I'm reminded of for the day.
Really helps remind me that I still have things to be thankful for and to remember Him when I feel weighed down and inadequate.
Anyway, recently, I've pasted 2 small pieces of blank paper on my cupboard so that I can write thanksgivings for the day and I can write one character of God I'm reminded of for the day.
Really helps remind me that I still have things to be thankful for and to remember Him when I feel weighed down and inadequate.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
one of the most awesome ladies i've ever met
Just this week, I was informed that my supervisor will not be my supervisor at work anymore. My initial reaction was "okay can". but then, I started to realise how much it actually affected me. I was quite affected by the loss.
this lady has been there for me through most of my cases, especially the crisis ones. Crisis cases in my work context means suicide/violence-type cases. Being quite a noob at my job, she's always patiently guiding me. She's also quite good with her advice and skills that she imparts to me. I learn and grow from her guidance during our sessions.
But there's something so different about this lady. Something so beautiful and attractive. So far, I've had a few supervisors in the various settings I was in. Of course, they were all skilled and experienced and I've had generally "ok" experience with working with them. But she really stands out.
Given my personality and upbringing and some of my old self, I've always had the pressure to perform, to meet up to a standard, and I try to grow towards that standard. The pressure varies of course, but it was always there. But with this lady supervisor, the pressure is minimal. Perhaps enough to keep me going and wanting to keep learning. And I've never felt a sense of liberation before. There is room to grow at my pace and there is motivation to grow and learn. Yet, I don't feel that same pressure to perform and meet a certain fixed standard during our sessions. I can freely share my assessment, feelings and reflections.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think the other supervisors or people i've encountered were really the key factors to make me feel pressured. It's in me to want to perform so well, you could say that I'm the cause of my own misery. haha.
Anyway, back to this lady.
She has indirectly taught me, through the way she interacts and guides me during our sessions, that I don't have to perform and strive so hard anymore. She accepts and validates my feelings, reflections and point of view (haha, so counsellor), yet she also teaches me knowledge and skills. Learning becomes so fun. I look forward to every supervision session we have. Every single one. Because I know I will enjoy learning.
I'll always remember this experience that I have with her. I also want to learn to treat others this way - to accept them for who they are and give them the freedom to grow. Of course, I acknowledge that this freedom is within boundaries. Some boundaries are always fixed, others change depending on other factors like developmental age etc. It's always easy as a mentor to want my mentees to fit into my mold and my standard. It's easy as a social worker too, to want clients to do what I want to them to do, instead of what they want to do. I hope to be more person-centred within a God-centred view.
This lady has shown me how it can be.
this lady has been there for me through most of my cases, especially the crisis ones. Crisis cases in my work context means suicide/violence-type cases. Being quite a noob at my job, she's always patiently guiding me. She's also quite good with her advice and skills that she imparts to me. I learn and grow from her guidance during our sessions.
But there's something so different about this lady. Something so beautiful and attractive. So far, I've had a few supervisors in the various settings I was in. Of course, they were all skilled and experienced and I've had generally "ok" experience with working with them. But she really stands out.
Given my personality and upbringing and some of my old self, I've always had the pressure to perform, to meet up to a standard, and I try to grow towards that standard. The pressure varies of course, but it was always there. But with this lady supervisor, the pressure is minimal. Perhaps enough to keep me going and wanting to keep learning. And I've never felt a sense of liberation before. There is room to grow at my pace and there is motivation to grow and learn. Yet, I don't feel that same pressure to perform and meet a certain fixed standard during our sessions. I can freely share my assessment, feelings and reflections.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think the other supervisors or people i've encountered were really the key factors to make me feel pressured. It's in me to want to perform so well, you could say that I'm the cause of my own misery. haha.
Anyway, back to this lady.
She has indirectly taught me, through the way she interacts and guides me during our sessions, that I don't have to perform and strive so hard anymore. She accepts and validates my feelings, reflections and point of view (haha, so counsellor), yet she also teaches me knowledge and skills. Learning becomes so fun. I look forward to every supervision session we have. Every single one. Because I know I will enjoy learning.
I'll always remember this experience that I have with her. I also want to learn to treat others this way - to accept them for who they are and give them the freedom to grow. Of course, I acknowledge that this freedom is within boundaries. Some boundaries are always fixed, others change depending on other factors like developmental age etc. It's always easy as a mentor to want my mentees to fit into my mold and my standard. It's easy as a social worker too, to want clients to do what I want to them to do, instead of what they want to do. I hope to be more person-centred within a God-centred view.
This lady has shown me how it can be.
Monday, November 7, 2011
back to the source
This weekend's retreat was really quite good, better than I expected. Initially I was quite "nua", you know, just being the usual me. I tend to shun from activities if possible and I always only like to chill if I had a choice. But I've come to realise that many many decisions in life cannot be based just on mere feelings. And strangely enough, sometimes when you don't act based on just your feelings, but also by principle and purpose, you experience a greater sense of fulfilment.
And that's what I experienced during the retreat.
I think my faith was stretched and challenged again, and the retreat reminded me about how I cannot just stay comfortable where I am, whether it is in my faith or in my ministry or in life too. There's always more, always room to grow, even though sometimes they are just reminders and things that are nothing new. And I really hope that by grace, I'll grow and people will grow too.
I realised during the retreat that love, joy, peace, patience etc and many other virtues that we all would like the embrace and uphold cannot be truly lived out without our relationship with Someone greater than us. That's so..humbling. As a social worker, sometimes it's easy to just believe in these values and virtues and deem them the "ultimate" thing in life. But if all these virtues are isolated from this Relationship, we are at best Man-centred. But love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control as they were meant to be are so much more radical when we begin to know Him. We become God-centric rather than Man-centred/Idol(whoever or whatever they may be)-centred.
Thankful for the retreat. Thankful for the brothers and sisters. Thankful for grace and mercy.
And that's what I experienced during the retreat.
I think my faith was stretched and challenged again, and the retreat reminded me about how I cannot just stay comfortable where I am, whether it is in my faith or in my ministry or in life too. There's always more, always room to grow, even though sometimes they are just reminders and things that are nothing new. And I really hope that by grace, I'll grow and people will grow too.
I realised during the retreat that love, joy, peace, patience etc and many other virtues that we all would like the embrace and uphold cannot be truly lived out without our relationship with Someone greater than us. That's so..humbling. As a social worker, sometimes it's easy to just believe in these values and virtues and deem them the "ultimate" thing in life. But if all these virtues are isolated from this Relationship, we are at best Man-centred. But love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control as they were meant to be are so much more radical when we begin to know Him. We become God-centric rather than Man-centred/Idol(whoever or whatever they may be)-centred.
Thankful for the retreat. Thankful for the brothers and sisters. Thankful for grace and mercy.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Trivial worries
3 of my friends are getting married next year and I worry about not having a dress to wear. I only have one dress which I already wore to a friend's wedding this year, which was my prom dress.
I can't possibly wear the same dress to all 3 weddings next year because they happen to know each other and photos will be taken.
Time to get 3 new dresses. What a task for a busy person like me who doesn't really like shopping much. I don't know why I don't have that much interest in looking good ever since I got busy doing other supposedly more "important" things. Wonder whether it's a good or bad thing. I'm 23! Isn't this time like the time of my life that I'm suppose to look my best? Oh well... I think it's too tiring to be thinking so much about dressing well... as long as I look presentable and I'm comfortable with how I look, I'm okay with that. I hope I'm not being abnormal to not like shopping and fashion so much.
On a happy note, I'm really excited for those 3 weddings though! :) They're awesome people!
I can't possibly wear the same dress to all 3 weddings next year because they happen to know each other and photos will be taken.
Time to get 3 new dresses. What a task for a busy person like me who doesn't really like shopping much. I don't know why I don't have that much interest in looking good ever since I got busy doing other supposedly more "important" things. Wonder whether it's a good or bad thing. I'm 23! Isn't this time like the time of my life that I'm suppose to look my best? Oh well... I think it's too tiring to be thinking so much about dressing well... as long as I look presentable and I'm comfortable with how I look, I'm okay with that. I hope I'm not being abnormal to not like shopping and fashion so much.
On a happy note, I'm really excited for those 3 weddings though! :) They're awesome people!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Being sick
I've finally fallen sick after like 6 months! Which is the longest time I've taken to fall sick for the past 5 years, if I remember correctly.
I really don't like the feeling of being sick (no one does I guess). Feeling weak, runny nose and headache. :( But I'm thankful that I can take this opportunity to rest from work and that I don't have a lot of work to clear so it's less frustrating.
I need a good breakfast, medication from the doctor and rest.
I really don't like the feeling of being sick (no one does I guess). Feeling weak, runny nose and headache. :( But I'm thankful that I can take this opportunity to rest from work and that I don't have a lot of work to clear so it's less frustrating.
I need a good breakfast, medication from the doctor and rest.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
value and worth
We've certainly been brought up in a system of meritocracy, where there is such a great emphasis on performance and results. It means everything in the world to us - how well we do affects how we see ourselves, how well we relate to others or how others respond to us affects our self image and confidence.
Having grown up with such a mindset and worldview truly affects the way I see myself, others and God. I'm starting to see how much I'm "trapped" in this pattern of thinking. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fine to be excellent in what we do and I think we should not be lazy or waste our talents but put them to good use. But it's quite stifling, looking at society and even my own life, when there's such a direct link between our worth and what we can do.
I hope that I will be able to treat others with worth and dignity (incidentally it's a social work value too, haha). I want to treat others with value, not because of what they can offer, their personalities or their abilities or their "goodness". I'm quite guilty of not doing so. And I also hope that I will learn to value myself as a person because of my creator and my saviour. It's such a struggle. Grace and mercy needed. And this grace and mercy is not based on my own merit.
How liberating. How attractive.
Having grown up with such a mindset and worldview truly affects the way I see myself, others and God. I'm starting to see how much I'm "trapped" in this pattern of thinking. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fine to be excellent in what we do and I think we should not be lazy or waste our talents but put them to good use. But it's quite stifling, looking at society and even my own life, when there's such a direct link between our worth and what we can do.
I hope that I will be able to treat others with worth and dignity (incidentally it's a social work value too, haha). I want to treat others with value, not because of what they can offer, their personalities or their abilities or their "goodness". I'm quite guilty of not doing so. And I also hope that I will learn to value myself as a person because of my creator and my saviour. It's such a struggle. Grace and mercy needed. And this grace and mercy is not based on my own merit.
How liberating. How attractive.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Encouraging message
I recently just read something rather encouraging on Ravi Zachariah's website. It is liberating to know that it's okay not to be okay, and that our walk with the Lord need not always be the happy and smiley sort.
Here's a section of it: The comforting news of Christianity is that God is not only available to us when we feel good, but makes his dwelling with us even in the darkness of despair. We often feel in our distress that we simply have to avoid the problem, to "get out" of feeling badly. But, in fact, what is happening is that even in sorrow, even in our despair we have the hope that we are still being drawn by the gracious arms of God into closer communion. As one author notes, "What God wants is not so much our victories, but our life in the wilderness."(3) As the story of Elijah bears witness, even in our wilderness God will prepare a meal, provide shelter, and speak gently into our fears. (Manning, 2011)
Check it out: http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity/todaysslice.aspx?aid=11001
Here's a section of it: The comforting news of Christianity is that God is not only available to us when we feel good, but makes his dwelling with us even in the darkness of despair. We often feel in our distress that we simply have to avoid the problem, to "get out" of feeling badly. But, in fact, what is happening is that even in sorrow, even in our despair we have the hope that we are still being drawn by the gracious arms of God into closer communion. As one author notes, "What God wants is not so much our victories, but our life in the wilderness."(3) As the story of Elijah bears witness, even in our wilderness God will prepare a meal, provide shelter, and speak gently into our fears. (Manning, 2011)
Check it out: http://www.rzim.org/resources/read/asliceofinfinity/todaysslice.aspx?aid=11001
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