Wonderful experience

I am going to have change in supervisor, again. It's not so much the change that makes me sad, but I'm sad because my supervisor has left.

My supervisor is really awesome and there are a lot of qualities in her that I admire. Even though it has only been some months that she's been my supervisor, but it's been such a wonderful and joyful experience to have a supervisor like her.

I admire her joy in uncomfortable and difficult times. I honestly do not know where she gets the joy from, maybe, it is from trusting in God. She has shown to me that it is possible to be joyful and cool about things, even though circumstances can be scary, anxiety inducing, uncertain and uncomfortable. I see this trait being demonstrated through how she is still joyful and level-headed every time whenever I ask her about my difficult cases, even though she may be sick, not feeling well, very busy, encountering her own difficult clients and situations. She will be emotionally available and attends to me. :) I hope to develop this same attitude as her, and if I ever become a supervisor (which is something that I do aspire to be), I hope to treat my supervisees with the same kind of attitude as well.

Whenever she is around in the office, regardless of whether I have the need to ask her about my cases, I feel happy just knowing she is around. It's really awesome just knowing a person like that.

I thank God for giving me the opportunity to know someone like her. And I thank God for how He has been working in her life.  And I pray that God will continue to be the secure Person for her.



 

I want to

Recently I've been reflecting on Christianity and my life. I used to think that having a religion, a set of beliefs and values is what it means to be a Christian. But I realize that this is a very inaccurate understanding of the Christian faith.

The past few weeks have been better than others. I've been reading the Bible, I've been emotionally attending to my clients at work, I've been thinking more about my faith, my sins. I've been able to see the importance of fellowship more . Of course, this is on top of doing the usual Christian stuff like going to church, attending Bible studies, conducting Bible studies etc. But I realize that more and more, I'm doing these things because I want to, not because I need to, or have to.

For too long, I've been believing that I have to be a good Christian so that I can get the approval of others and get approval of myself. I read the Bible, go to church, go for Bible studies etc because I have to, because I need to keep having the approval of the people around me. Having such a mindset makes my faith dead. It reduces Scripture to a mere set of rules, and at best, a guide book to life and making sure I don't go to hell. But Scripture is much more than that. God is far greater than that.

I notice that one can do the same Christian things, but with very different motivations. I still do the same things now, nothing seems different on the outside. But there is a key difference on the inside, that is, whether one does these things out of fear, or out of love. The difference is whether faith is something engineered by pushing ourselves to look like we are bearing fruit (meaning, having Godly characteristics) or whether we choose to remain in Christ instead. It's not about our works, but a relationship. And such a relationship is really our heart's desire. We all desire for relationships, lasting relationships, true love relationships. 

 I was reading an article on Relevant magazine, and this excerpt really resonated with me:

"The forgiveness of sins is not extended so that mankind can become moral, it is extended so that mankind can enter into a union with God. We then attempt to live more purely not to be an impressive citizen, but to surrender ourselves to God, that we might notice and have the courage to respond to the prompting of God's spirit in us, and live out a faith expressed in love. This is true freedom"

I want to bear fruit, but it is not from the outside in. It is from the inside out. It is from having a close relationship with Christ and loving God.

Christ said, "
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." John 15:4

We experience true freedom when we can truly say, I serve God, know God, obey God because I want to, not because I have to. And we will only want to seek God first when we are convicted by God and begin to appreciate how good and how great He is. As long as we do not experience and know the goodness of God and who He is, we will always feel that we are good enough and great enough, and we can live our lives on our own. When we are self sufficient, we will not love God because we are our own gods.

Perhaps, this is why Scripture begins with, "in the beginning, God".
 
How can we reflect who God is, when we don’t know who He is and how good He is?

our story

I'm so excited!
I have decided to create a mini scrap booklet capturing the most significant moments/people in my life since 2005 - when I started to want to know God.
This picture shows the first 2 pages of my booklet. The rest shall remain confidential and only for significant people to see. It will contain pictures, words, and even random things that represent the various turning points in my life.

The purpose of this project is for me to:
1) Reflect on how God has been good in my life. When I mean, good, I don't mean just the "good" events, but also during the really difficult times I've been through.
2) Reflect on who I am as a person and where I've been

Hopefully as I look back, I will be able to see God at work each step of the way. It's to make meaning of the significant events and turning points. It's to appreciate the significant people in my life too.

Redeeming

Wow, just came back from an awesome session of marriage prep. :)

I feel so blessed to be having marriage prep with this couple from our church family. I was really blessed and touched in ways that I did not expect. My heart sings and is moved.

It was really encouraging to hear them share about how God has brought them through the years of marriage and transformed them through difficult times. It's most encouraging to hear that they are imperfect people, from imperfect backgrounds, redeemed by the grace and intervention of God.

I often ask myself: what hope do I have, or do we have to build a marriage? I'm often disheartened by the other marriages that I see around me. I'm often disheartened when I think about where I came from and who I am as a person. When I look to myself, I see no hope, at the most, it's bleak. Even if I do hope at times, I don't really know where that hope comes from, it's just...hoping that things will somehow turn out fine.

But today I heard another story. I heard a story of God's redemption in their lives. Maybe I've heard that before in the gospel. But today I heard a real life testimony of God's redemption in this couple's life. Their marriage didn't start off perfect, or even close. They also seemed quite blur, especially at the start. They also fought. They also had inter-familial issues. They also had their own shortcomings and weaknesses. But God is at work still. Through turn of events, through prayer and through complementing one another, they grew and changed. And I suppose, they are still growing and changing.

I feel like there is hope now you know. I feel like there is hope in imperfection. And that through imperfection and difficulties, God is still at work, even though we may not see it happening yet. We don't have to know-it-all and be "perfect" to be a blessing. Ultimately, it is God's story (in our lives) that will really bless and encourage.

some feelings of late

Work has and hasn't been better. I've somewhat gotten out of a crisis that my client was in. And I'm thankful for how God has seen us through.

But more cases coming in lately. It's going to be quite a struggle to have to manage my heavy workload of cases. Thankful it hasn't reached the point of insanity...yet.

I feel angry and helpless and fearful. I need to come to terms with these feelings and the fact that: the needs are plentiful, but the workers are few. Maybe there are times we have to really live with the fact that we can't help everyone, especially with these limitations and high workload. There are some things we have to let go of, and have compassion on ourselves, not feeling guilty if we can't be 100% present for every case.

Sigh. I just wanna sigh.

Need to continue to trust God with everything, and still work the best that I can.

God establishes

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

I am still pretty much in awe of what has happened. when I see a certain person's life, having been part of it and yet having a third person's perspective, I really can testify for how God has provided and been gracious to this person. this person has many of the traits of someone who would be marginalized in society, because society favors certain groups of people who adhere to certain social norms and structures. Yet, God has sustained and provided for this person, in the midst of a society where many policies would not be in favor of this person.

I have been part of this person's life for a period of time and even though it is not the kind of life that is most ideal, but I see God's hand in it, providing each step of the way, at each juncture, when we are almost losing hope. I see how God is also using me as His grace to this person, even though this person may not see it at this point in time. I am humbled most, when I feel that things are not in control, knowing that God is in control. I am humbled most, when I can make all the plans I want for this person to help this person, but ultimately God directs his life and his steps.

lessons like this should be recorded down. lessons like this have to be remembered. experiences like this will shape the way I press on in this journey for the marginalized in society.