I want to

Recently I've been reflecting on Christianity and my life. I used to think that having a religion, a set of beliefs and values is what it means to be a Christian. But I realize that this is a very inaccurate understanding of the Christian faith.

The past few weeks have been better than others. I've been reading the Bible, I've been emotionally attending to my clients at work, I've been thinking more about my faith, my sins. I've been able to see the importance of fellowship more . Of course, this is on top of doing the usual Christian stuff like going to church, attending Bible studies, conducting Bible studies etc. But I realize that more and more, I'm doing these things because I want to, not because I need to, or have to.

For too long, I've been believing that I have to be a good Christian so that I can get the approval of others and get approval of myself. I read the Bible, go to church, go for Bible studies etc because I have to, because I need to keep having the approval of the people around me. Having such a mindset makes my faith dead. It reduces Scripture to a mere set of rules, and at best, a guide book to life and making sure I don't go to hell. But Scripture is much more than that. God is far greater than that.

I notice that one can do the same Christian things, but with very different motivations. I still do the same things now, nothing seems different on the outside. But there is a key difference on the inside, that is, whether one does these things out of fear, or out of love. The difference is whether faith is something engineered by pushing ourselves to look like we are bearing fruit (meaning, having Godly characteristics) or whether we choose to remain in Christ instead. It's not about our works, but a relationship. And such a relationship is really our heart's desire. We all desire for relationships, lasting relationships, true love relationships. 

 I was reading an article on Relevant magazine, and this excerpt really resonated with me:

"The forgiveness of sins is not extended so that mankind can become moral, it is extended so that mankind can enter into a union with God. We then attempt to live more purely not to be an impressive citizen, but to surrender ourselves to God, that we might notice and have the courage to respond to the prompting of God's spirit in us, and live out a faith expressed in love. This is true freedom"

I want to bear fruit, but it is not from the outside in. It is from the inside out. It is from having a close relationship with Christ and loving God.

Christ said, "
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." John 15:4

We experience true freedom when we can truly say, I serve God, know God, obey God because I want to, not because I have to. And we will only want to seek God first when we are convicted by God and begin to appreciate how good and how great He is. As long as we do not experience and know the goodness of God and who He is, we will always feel that we are good enough and great enough, and we can live our lives on our own. When we are self sufficient, we will not love God because we are our own gods.

Perhaps, this is why Scripture begins with, "in the beginning, God".
 
How can we reflect who God is, when we don’t know who He is and how good He is?