Grumpy Monday blues

I'm feeling grumpy after finishing a social report, not because of the process of doing the report but because I have to work way after office hours on a Monday night.

Thankful that it's done though.

1 thing I do like about myself

I'm currently doing a cover "safe and sound" by TS and Civil Wars with a friend. After listening to the record of the song we did, I realise that I can have quite a nice singing voice. I actually like my own voice now.

The truth is, there are not many things that I like about myself, but it's a nice feeling to like something about yourself. And I'm happy that I'm starting to like my own voice.

:))

Service

I've heard not-so-nice stories about other people's colleagues at the workplace, about all the workplace politics, demanding bosses etc. My parents also always told me that being a student is always better than being in the working world. Perhaps that might be generally true, based on the many experiences that I've heard from my working friends.

However, I really enjoy going to work. I think it's even better than student life. Apart from the fact that there are not tests/exams, I think it's largely because the working environment I'm at is so supportive, and I could not ask for more. There's ALWAYS help when we run into problems and crisis situations. And sometimes, I don't even need to ask. My colleagues are self-sacrificial and seek to serve rather than to be served.

It's a wonderful experience and I'm in awe of what goes on at work because I've never had such an experience before. I think it's a beautiful reflection of Christ, who came not to be served but to serve. And I know my colleagues are believers, because of the person that they reflect - the servanthood of Jesus.

I tend to think of being a Christian as having to be holy and blameless, and of course, that is definitely a characteristic of the new birth (a true believer). But recently, as I read the gospels, I realise that another key aspect of children of God is humble service. And it's very key in fact, because,

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

God revealed Himself in Christ. God, who has all authority and glory, taking human flesh so that He could serve and save us.

Perhaps, I've overlooked the beauty of service, that it is in service that we see Christ. I tend to shy away from menial tasks, and I would rather do things that grant me more recognition. I seek my own interests rather than the interests of others.

Of course, I'm not saying we should all go and do menial tasks and forget about our own work. Neither am I saying that being in a position of recognition is a bad thing or selfish thing. It can be a good thing to be in a position of authority or recognition, yet I think Christ portrays what it means to serve, even though He is God.

Knowing this shapes the way I will interact with my clients, since I've been given capacity to serve them. Whenever there is opportunity or I have the capacity to serve, I hope I'll begin to not shy away or push it to someone else.

Service is definitely not my "love language"(reference to 5 love languages by Gary Chapman), but if that's how God shows that He loves, then it doesn't matter what my "love language" is. By grace, I hope that I'll be able to seek to serve, rather than to be served.

Death

Because of certain encounters the past few days, I realised that death is scary. Not just because it can be painful, but because you lose the relationships with the ones you love.

While it may be comforting that the some of the ones you love are in a perfect place and are in safe hands, it is still very painful and scary to know that you'll never see them, feel them, talk to them again.. until the end times or the day you die.

I don't know whether it will be more scary for the person dying or the person living. Perhaps it will be a longer struggle for the one living, but for the person dying, the idea of leaving their loved ones behind can bring feelings of fear, guilt and great sadness as well.

I've never really lost someone that I'm close to before, and I've never encountered a situation that I may be at high risk of dying. I can't fully imagine how difficult it must be.

But with the experience that I have thus far and the feelings that are universal to all human beings, I know it must be really tough, and it must be so difficult and so overwhelming.

I know of someone who may pass away. And even though I'm not close to this person at all, I already have fear of the day that I will never see this person again.

Perhaps with these feelings, I hope that I can be able to better empathize with those who are grieving or have lost their hopes and people that they love. With these feelings, I hope that I will treasure those around me more and also cling onto the hope and comfort that death is not final, at least not for those who belong to Him. I hope to remember that He's always in control and is there, even in the most painful moments.

A Relationship

"While Christians agree that the Bible does contain the moral law of God and shows us how to live our lives, the actual text of the Bible is much more besides. It is the history of a people and a grand narrative of redemption for all people. At its heart, it is the story of a relationship and not a collection of platitudes. As the New Testament opens with God coming in human form, we encounter Jesus walking the earth, not to restate a moral code, but to offer us peace with God. The Bible speaks about a personal God to encounter, not a set of propositions to understand or laws to follow." - Amy Orr-Ewing, (Ravi Zacharias, 2008)

How true. I used to think that the Bible was simply a list of to-dos. Thinking of the Bible in such a way can be destructive. We'd fail terribly and we will think we're always not good enough. And we'll end up always striving for something we can never attain.

I think that the rules that God has set were meant for good relationships with Him and with one another.

God is a righteous judge, yet He is also our heavenly Father. The same God appeared in human flesh as the suffering servant, our sacrifice so that we may have peace with God and one another.

Many, including myself, think that giving up my life for Christ/God is the most painful and hardest thing to do, and indeed it is. I can think of many people who've told me that they will not want to commit to a religion/christianity because there's too much to give up. To some extent, they are right.

Personally, it is difficult to give up some of the people or things that I've been holding on more tightly than I should. It is extremely challenging to obey in many areas of my life. Sometimes, I would rather continue living life according to my own principles and values, than to submit to God's rules.

But when I get a glimpse of God, and who He is and what He has done, there is true beauty and true love. And I can't help but to stop, think and constantly reconsider a wisdom and love that far exceeds my own. This renewed relationship with Him is one that God offers at the expense of the relationship with His Son Jesus Christ. And this renewed relationship offers the love, peace and hope that I think many of us really long for.

Vday: The relationships that matter

Today I was asked if time and money are not considerations, what would I be doing. I said that I'd still be doing what I'm doing now - social work. Yay!

But if I had the talent, and time and money are not considerations, I would want to be a musician.

Nevertheless, I am happy where God has placed me in the social work profession. I think I could do this forever, God willing. As long as I have the capacity to and see myself continue to grow to be more effective in my help to others, I'll probably continue. It's been a very interesting and meaningful journey. Of course, it really helps that I have the best colleagues anyone could ever have.

-----

On another note, I really enjoyed today's short but enjoyable v-day celebration with a few of my younger sisters-in-Christ. I wish it was longer! But nonetheless, it was great to just be able to chat with them and do crazy stuff like calling and dedicating love songs to our friends.

I think one thing I've learnt about service is to enjoy the people that one is serving. When I enjoy my time with them, service no longer becomes a task or responsibility, but about building relationships. And it's fun and pleasurable! I treasure these friendships loads!

And above all, it's to remember that it is God's ministry, we are God's. He'll come through in His perfect timing and ways. Consider what a privilege it is to be His child, and to serve alongside the King. :)

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day. 14th Feb - a date that we all will remember, whether young or old, single, in a relationship, married, or divorced.

It can be celebrated by anyone, regardless of race, religion, social class, nationality. It's a universal event, one that is even more universal than Christmas, or ethnic new years.

And for many of us, it is of significance, even though it's not a public holiday and there's not religious or cultural background to it. One of my youths was upset that she had a test on v-day and after v-day. A colleague said that she actually prepared a gift for her daughter for v-day and that she would do this every year. Another colleague will be organizing a singles lunch. Yet another colleague announced that he was going to see many clients on v-day.

When I was a teenager, I remember thinking that I needed to celebrate v-day. I would hang out with friends. And as I grew older, I even thought I needed to have companionship on v-day or I'd feel, like what young people would say nowadays.. "forever alone".

Love, is universal. The desire for intimate relationships with one another is a human need. I don't think anyone would deny this, and even if they did, I am certain there are underlying issues that lead to this denial. This strong desire for relationships points to how we are created in the image of our Creator, who is relational within the 3 persons in the trinity(the love relationships amongst the Father, Son and Holy Spirit). It is not surprising then that we want to be loved and we want to love.

Even though v-day is so commercialised, sometimes superficial, and I wouldn't really make such a big deal of v-day now because it's not the only day to show love, I think it says something about how the significance of this day, a day of celebration of love (whichever definition of love it may be) is a reflection of how much we long for love and relationships.

Personally, I am also looking forward to v-day to spend with some of my sisters in Christ. But this year, it's not because I am "forever alone", but because they are friends whom I value. It's a good opportunity to hang out with people who are significant on a day that celebrates love.

A cute song

A cute song:

I'd Lie

Aww. :)
Brings me back to the days when we had crushes and we didn't dare to really admit it.

Blessed

I am blessed:

Not because I have money or looks.
But because I have inherent worth and dignity,
given by my Creator.

Not because I am able to be a good person and have any good deeds or qualities to boast about,
but because I am saved by His grace and given grace for good works.

Why do I often forget who I am and who I can be?
Change my heart, change my mind.
Let Your grace abound.

Second man

I'm amazed and thankful for His grace and mercy today. Saw it evident in the life of a dear younger sister in Christ who said that she wanted to put God at the centre of her life. Saw it when my faith was personally challenged during the sermon in church today. As much as some or even myself ( at times) may say that having God in one's life may be boring, restrictive, foolish and difficult, i'm beginning to understand that it is a blessing and privilege, to be under His all- wise, knowing and lovingr rule. It's starting to make more sense to start renouncing some of my own ways, which fail terribly in comparison to the beauty of His character and wisdom.

To be.

It's been quite uneventful these 2 weeks at my workplace. Workload not as high, cases not in crisis mode. Oh dear, am I too used to drama that now I find that work life is getting boring?

I should be thankful for such rare seasons. :) Time I can rest, think and reflect about some things that have happened. And also a time to remember who I am in Christ even when things seem dull, boring or when they seem stagnant and there's nothing much I can do

Time to just be