I never thought that I would have a health/medical problem to contend with at a relatively young age. It's been quite a roller coaster ride, and like every roller coaster, it's scary and uncertain. Yet there are things to be thankful for thus far also while I get on this ride and experience. Here are my thoughts and feelings of this whole experience so far.
#1
Thankful that no matter how I feel and how uncertain the circumstances are ahead, there is the hope of healing in eternal life in Christ. And because of this, I am assured that I am and will always be in a safe place because nothing can take away eternal life and my status as a child of God.
#2
Thankful for people who are able to give me support and encouragement. It's interesting to observe and experience the various things people will say with good intentions to encourage. The best kinds of encouragements are the friends who are just able to stay with how you are feeling and also to assure you that you've done your best and the rest is really in God's hands. That frees me of feeling that there is something wrong with me when I am feeling down or anxious, and also encourages me to entrust my worries to God.
Frankly, I get irritated when people tell me "not to worry so much" or "have more faith" or pray that God will heal. Isn't worry and the so-called "lack of faith" pretty much normal and natural response to suffering and illness? After all, it wasn't God's intention to create suffering and illness and this wasn't the original good design that God intended.
Also, it's not that I doubt that God can heal, it's just... then ironically, by only praying that God will heal (and thinking we have faith if we pray that God can heal), we are possibly limiting God's bigger plan for allowing such things to happen in our lives. Is faith limited to hoping that God can do obviously supernatural things like physical healing?
#3
One thing I've learnt that has been helpful then is to recognize what it means to be human. Being human means to experience pain, anxiety, sadness, fear in the present age until Christ comes again. Yet being human is also to recognize our limitations and to realize that we need not take the responsibility over things that we do not have control over and realize it is God who has these things in control. Being human is to recognize that we are not God and we are in this relationship with God who is sovereign over all things and our lives. I experience the reality of being human in a more pronounced way than ever during this period. This tension has also been quite a challenge to contend with.
#4
Thankful for God's provision thus far. Somehow the health condition seems to be detected early. And I've got an experienced and supportive doctor/surgeon who is also a believer - and who is relatively young. Somehow younger people can empathize and are more sensitive to pain than older folks. Maybe older folks are more "hardy" because they've already gone through difficult experiences in the past and didn't grow up in as comfortable environments as us. Whereas we younger folks experience "first world problems" of having grown up in a comfortable environment and when discomfort happens, we are less "hardy" in coping with them. So hardy folks would find it harder to empathize and be sensitive to less hardy folks.
That's all for now. It's a tough position to be in right now. There are times I don't know what to think or how to feel, as much as I want to be as clear minded about this as possible.
“Safe?”.... Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.- The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Realities VS Idealism
It's been a journey in the field and working world. More than ever as we experience the realities of the world, we are confronted with how our idealism will never match up to the realities that we see. The end result is that sometimes we feel jaded, disappointed and angsty when things are not how one would or had envisioned things to be.
I'm not sure to what extent these sentiments are felt in other professions, but certainly in the social service profession, the tension between our ideals and the current realities are to be contended with. The tension presents many challenges of decreasing job satisfaction, loss of sense of purpose and worth of our work and disillusionment with higher systems and policies. This is certainly a fallen world, within and amongst systems, how we prioritize the importance of people need, and relational brokenness.
As a social service practitioner and also a supervisor to other colleagues or students, I find that perhaps this is one aspect of the field that has not been adequately dealt with. sometimes, we hide or would rather not address this tension that is obvious and draining our emotional and psychological energy at times. And we just continuously plod along and do what needs to be done.
I think we need to first acknowledge that there is a problem and there exists this tension. At least then there would be some authenticity. If this is not addressed, then we will either get jaded or get anxious. Get jaded and anxious because there are just too many needs and there is just too much work to be done. This would help practitioners to be less hard on ourselves and to be realistic in what we can do. To place an idealistic worker in an environment that has many real needs will certainly lead to burn out or disillusionment.
Then, we should start to acknowledge that perhaps the sense of idealism is not all that bad. It will give us the strength and energy to want to make changes happen that will ultimately benefit the people that we serve. I personally like the idealism of new practitioners and students studying social work. Yes, they may be unrealistic but at least, there exists the possibility for positive change to aspects of the field that need reformation.
Third, we also need to realize that we work with people. People are the hardest systems to work with. More and more, I realize that knowing to work as a team and managing expectations and relating to others in an authentic yet professional way is certainly a challenge that books and the university do not teach. I used to live in my own world where I believe all social service professionals are great to work with as they are the nicest people- this is certainly on the contrary at times, and I am also speaking for myself.
These are some reflections that I have as a worker from the past few months. They have helped me to gain greater sanity and to be more realistic, yet to still appreciate the fact that I have ideals though they may not be met all the time, and to start thinking through how some of my ideals can be better met. They have helped me to be less jaded, anxious and disillusioned. I wish I could be taught more about these unseen realities!
I guess I also realize that I am no longer a student and no one will really be available to hand hold me and that my learning and growth is something I need to take ownership of. It's tough to learn this fact and truth and I find it challenging. Praying for God's grace and wisdom as I experience this tension and growth.
I'm not sure to what extent these sentiments are felt in other professions, but certainly in the social service profession, the tension between our ideals and the current realities are to be contended with. The tension presents many challenges of decreasing job satisfaction, loss of sense of purpose and worth of our work and disillusionment with higher systems and policies. This is certainly a fallen world, within and amongst systems, how we prioritize the importance of people need, and relational brokenness.
As a social service practitioner and also a supervisor to other colleagues or students, I find that perhaps this is one aspect of the field that has not been adequately dealt with. sometimes, we hide or would rather not address this tension that is obvious and draining our emotional and psychological energy at times. And we just continuously plod along and do what needs to be done.
I think we need to first acknowledge that there is a problem and there exists this tension. At least then there would be some authenticity. If this is not addressed, then we will either get jaded or get anxious. Get jaded and anxious because there are just too many needs and there is just too much work to be done. This would help practitioners to be less hard on ourselves and to be realistic in what we can do. To place an idealistic worker in an environment that has many real needs will certainly lead to burn out or disillusionment.
Then, we should start to acknowledge that perhaps the sense of idealism is not all that bad. It will give us the strength and energy to want to make changes happen that will ultimately benefit the people that we serve. I personally like the idealism of new practitioners and students studying social work. Yes, they may be unrealistic but at least, there exists the possibility for positive change to aspects of the field that need reformation.
Third, we also need to realize that we work with people. People are the hardest systems to work with. More and more, I realize that knowing to work as a team and managing expectations and relating to others in an authentic yet professional way is certainly a challenge that books and the university do not teach. I used to live in my own world where I believe all social service professionals are great to work with as they are the nicest people- this is certainly on the contrary at times, and I am also speaking for myself.
These are some reflections that I have as a worker from the past few months. They have helped me to gain greater sanity and to be more realistic, yet to still appreciate the fact that I have ideals though they may not be met all the time, and to start thinking through how some of my ideals can be better met. They have helped me to be less jaded, anxious and disillusioned. I wish I could be taught more about these unseen realities!
I guess I also realize that I am no longer a student and no one will really be available to hand hold me and that my learning and growth is something I need to take ownership of. It's tough to learn this fact and truth and I find it challenging. Praying for God's grace and wisdom as I experience this tension and growth.
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