experiences with uncertainties of health

I never thought that I would have a health/medical problem to contend with at a relatively young age. It's been quite a roller coaster ride, and like every roller coaster, it's scary and uncertain. Yet there are things to be thankful for thus far also while I get on this ride and experience. Here are my thoughts and feelings of this whole experience so far.

#1
Thankful that no matter how I feel and how uncertain the circumstances are ahead, there is the hope of healing in eternal life in Christ. And because of this, I am assured that I am and will always be in a safe place because nothing can take away eternal life and my status as a child of God.

#2
 Thankful for people who are able to give me support and encouragement. It's interesting to observe and experience the various things people will say with good intentions to encourage. The best kinds of encouragements are the friends who are just able to stay with how you are feeling and also to assure you that you've done your best and the rest is really in God's hands. That frees me of feeling that there is something wrong with me when I am feeling down or anxious, and also encourages me to entrust my worries to God.

Frankly, I get irritated when people tell me "not to worry so much" or "have more faith" or pray that God will heal. Isn't worry and the so-called "lack of faith" pretty much normal and natural response to suffering and illness? After all, it wasn't God's intention to create suffering and illness and this wasn't the original good design that God intended.

Also, it's not that I doubt that God can heal, it's just... then ironically, by only praying that God will heal (and thinking we have faith if we pray that God can heal), we are possibly limiting God's bigger plan for allowing such things to happen in our lives. Is faith limited to hoping that God can do obviously supernatural things like physical healing?

#3
One thing I've learnt that has been helpful then is to recognize what it means to be human. Being human means to experience pain, anxiety, sadness, fear in the present age until Christ comes again. Yet being human is also to recognize our limitations and to realize that we need not take the responsibility over things that we do not have control over and realize it is God who has these things in control. Being human is to recognize that we are not God and we are in this relationship with God who is sovereign over all things and our lives. I experience the reality of being human in a more pronounced way than ever during this period. This tension has also been quite a challenge to contend with.

#4
Thankful for God's provision thus far. Somehow the health condition seems to be detected early. And I've got an experienced and supportive doctor/surgeon who is also a believer - and who is relatively young. Somehow younger people can empathize and are more sensitive to pain than older folks. Maybe older folks are more "hardy" because they've already gone through difficult experiences in the past and didn't grow up in as comfortable environments as us. Whereas we younger folks experience "first world problems" of having grown up in a comfortable environment and when discomfort happens, we are less "hardy" in coping with them. So hardy folks would find it harder to empathize and be sensitive to less hardy folks.


That's all for now. It's a tough position to be in right now. There are times I don't know what to think or how to feel, as much as I want to be as clear minded about this as possible.