Singing with my guitar

I love singing and playing my guitar. Glad I bought it!
Cherish these moments when I can just be myself, sing what I want and however I want.
It's therapeutic and uplifting.
I can do this forever... I hope I can continue singing in heaven too. It'll be so awesome.

Dealing with clients' issues... and my own

I just had a supervision session and my supervisor and I talked about how to help children deal with grief. I have the opportunity to help some children to deal with grief over loss of their significant loved one(s).

Even though the session I had with the children that I presented was not intense and emotional, I found it hard to deal with my own feelings towards this issue. My supervisor asked me if I was overwhelmed by the work I had to do with the children to process grief. There definitely is a lot of hard but yet meaningful work involved. But I was more overwhelmed by the experience of grief and loss that the children may be feeling as I was discussing the issues to talk to the children about with my supervisor. I feel quite a great sense of loss and sadness that I can't really fully explain.

This is one of the slightly more rare moments when I get more "emo" when working with clients and I start really being more emotionally involved than I usually would. I don't know if it's a good thing. I guess it's fine as long as it doesn't cripple or prevent me from working with the them.

My hope is that they will see hope and that there really will be the presence of real hope in their lives. Perhaps it's the only real comfort that I can find. I hope that God will grant me the opportunity to talk about these issues with them.
 

A date with a special girl and a memorable lesson

Today I had the privilege of spending some quality time with one of my youth girls, G. I marvel at the miracle that firstly, she had time to spend with me and secondly, that I had time to spend with her. In a fast paced modern society, such opportunities are rare indeed. How often can I get to intentionally meet a youth one-on-one to talk for 2 whole hours about some things that matter in her life? In addition, she's a great friend and younger sister. :)

After making a really awesome and cute-looking card for one of our sisters in church, we started talking about time management and it went seemingly off-topic to the question of why do we study? 

I asked questions such as,

"why do we have to study?"

"as Christians, do we have to study? Is it wrong or okay to quit school if we don't find it relevant?" 

"as Christians, why do we study?" 

These are indeed very important questions, because at least half or one third of a youth's waking hours is spent in school. If school and education is indeed not useful for us as believers, then, why bother? 

I shall not put her responses here as I respect confidentiality. Anyway, I went on to talk to her about how we need to have stewardship over the resources that God has given to us (the parable of the talents), the attitude of faithfulness and how we can have ambition so that we can influence the world: being salt and light when we are IN the world though we are not OF the world.

But, one thing that she said I find very encouraging is what she shared about what her father told her. If I were her, I would be very very touched. 

He said, "I wouldn't want you to be cleaner. But if you are a cleaner, give your best to doing it well."

In society, I guess most parents would want their children to reach their potential as far as possible and that's natural, and a good thing. Yet, it's so moving to hear a parent saying those words. There is dignity in every occupation and in every human being, even though we have been conditioned to think otherwise. 

If God gives you "one" talent, use it to your best ability and be faithful. 

the wonder of the here-and-now

Wow, this week's one crazy week!

1. I went to a theme park with close friends
2. I went kite flying till I got all sun-burnt with close younger friends
3. I played "ninja" for a friend-organized operation to cheer another friend up!
3. I will be going for an "operation" with colleagues to go nuts and live out our fantasy!
4. I will be going for a youth event which requires lots and lots of running and games

I am so not the kind of person to do so many fun activities in one setting. I'm the kind who, by default is more of a "chill" and introverted person. I feel slightly "off-balanced" because I work on one day, play the next, work on the following day, and play the next day. And I am tired!

Then I realised that I should appreciate days and weeks like these. Some things can only be done when you're young enough. And I am at the life-stage where I can still have the energy and time to have this kind of child-like fun with my friends as I have much liberty to do so. Once my friends all start getting married and have their own families, all we'll end up doing is meeting up for eating or movies (not that they're not good, but our moments spent will not be as crazy and it will never reach that "high").

I should treasure these moments!

Breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
it's right there in front of you
and I don't want you to miss
the miracle of the moment - Steven Curtis Chapman

Tired and Time to recharge

Tired. Just tired from saving the world and having to get emotionally involved on a regular basis.

Need to recharge, my plan for the longer-than-usual weekend:

1. Play guitar and sing to feel-good songs

2. Scream my lungs out at a theme park

3. Hang out with people who matter to me 

4. Listen to nice voices and good music (e.g. Jayesslee, Westlife, Taylor Swift)

5. Listen to the One who gives rest

Saved the world

On a lighter and more encouraging note,

I (LITERALLY) SAVED THE WORLD TODAY!

Never liked the responsibility of "saving" people, and sometimes I shoulder a bit more of others' problems than I ought (I think!) But it's a great feeling and encouragement too, to know that what I do really benefits others.

Indeed, "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1. How apt for what happened today. I must remember this when working with people.

I feel a sense of pride and satisfaction :)) And I'm thankful that God gave me the opportunity to be of service to others.

Emo Moments

It's in times when I feel insecure about the future and about myself that I find solace in music, particularly this song:

Who I have become in You
is grace beyond all measure
in the light of who You are
Who am I to be found here


Who I have become in You
is grace beyond all measure
raised to life and crowned with love
Jesus Yours forever


Majesty and Mercy
Meet me in this moment
How can it be that I have been chosen by the King?
There's no greater honour
There's no greater treasure
than to be known and loved by You
I am highly favoured


A child of grace I have become
adopted into favour
Now I sing Your Spirit's song
Crying "Abba Father"


One of my favourite worship songs. When I feel that there's little I can put my security in and I feel uncertain about what life will bring, I find assurance to know that I belong to Him and I have a heavenly Father who will never leave me, and loves me.

Insecurities

I wanna do a "taylor swift" and write a song about insecurities because my life is filled with them! I see myself being insecure about so many things. Each time it's a step of faith to trust and remember who I am and what I am worth. Since Taylor finds great solace and therapy in writing songs, maybe I should try it myself.

Will write when inspiration hits.This is exciting. Let's hope something comes up.

A next phase of life

I can't believe that I will be living on my own in the future. The thought of it is rather surreal and exciting at the same time. Today we just got our future home. I'm thankful we were pretty "chill" about it and that we could agree on what we wanted, since both of us are so very different people with different preferences. I'm also thankful that we have shelter. In my work, I meet many people who don't, so.. I realise it's no point being overly picky about details about the home, just hope that it'll be a conducive place for us and others to be rested and encouraged in our faith in God.

Most importantly, I'm happy that I'll be staying with my significant other in the future (by the time we get the flat, we'll be married). It's so fun. :)) There are a number of woes of being an adult, but being able to live on your own is probably one of more optimistic things about being an adult. I just feel this way at the moment.

YAY!

Now time for marriage preparation..

Urgh. The horrors of gaining weight.

I feel fat. :(

I've been gaining weight.

I know that I shouldn't be too bothered by my outer appearance.

But there are days like today when I really don't feel beautiful because of how I see myself on the outside.

Time to cut down on the carbs and resist temptation of eating too much good food.

But it's so hard.

Urgh.

And I'm too lazy to exercise.

Okay, I'll start with cutting own on my carbs and sweet stuff.

This difficult thing called love

As a young adult, I have come to realise that truly loving someone is difficult. Believe it or not, I have never come to fully appreciate how difficult loving someone is until the recent years.

I have been brought up in a family where I always receive from my parents. I have never needed to share anything with anyone and my parents give me what I want most of the time. I do not usually feel the pressure to be on the giving end, in my relationship with my parents.

I have been blessed with friends who understand and are generally easy-going. It is rare that I quarrel or fight with my friends, even close ones. Furthermore, probably most of my close friends have become my close friends because we click. I don't feel that I need to give up or sacrifice much when I am with my friends.

It's easy to "love" someone when they do things your way, when they blend well with your personality. Well, let's just say I have been very sheltered and pampered over the years, by my friends and my family.

 But it's often hard to love when there is conflict of personal interests, especially when 2 people are so often together and yet are so different. People say that opposites attract, and for the relationship that I am in, it is rather true to some extent. Apart from sharing the same faith and having very similar convictions, we have differing ways of thinking and different preferences. The prospect of staying together in the future and having to bear with one another's differences feels rather challenging because I have been so used to having things my way. So each step to love is a step of faith and God-given grace.

To truly love is so tough because love causes one to have to give up one's interest for the interest of the other. It will involve sacrifice. It will involve giving up some of my preferences and the inherent drive of usually wanting things to go my way. It will involve having to be secure in my identity in God because I believe it's not possible to love when one is insecure about him/herself.

Thank God that despite the struggles and countless quarrels we've had in our relationship, we're still pressing on to learn to love. I can't believe that it's only now, at this age, that I am beginning to see and learn to practise what true love entails.

Church camp 2012

I just came back from the best church camp ever:

It was a good break from work. I did not need to be thinking about the time and any deadlines, which was a great relief to my mind.

It was a great opportunity to hang out with friends and the older folks from church. I'm encouraged that the older folks are enthusiastic about reading the Word and are still have the desire to grow in their faith. Church feels more like a family now because I got to interact with people of different generations. It was encouraging to be studying the Bible and having fellowship together. It was also refreshing to allow the older folks to lead in facilitating the group discussions and devotions. As a youth leader who's always the one having to lead, it was definitely a good and refreshing break for me to just be fed rather than to be always the one giving.

It was a good reminder of how I can bring Kingdom values in the way that I do social work. I was given quite a good perspective of how my Christian faith complements and shapes the social work that I do. There's more to just doing social work. I was really quite encouraged that what I do on a daily basis has great purpose and meaning. I was also challenged to reflect on how I have been seeing and treating my clients and to think of how Christ can be reflected in the way I do my work.

Great, this year's church camp was better than I expected, and for that, I am thankful. :)

Strength in gentleness

I've never thought much about the quality of gentleness. Some people have pointed out that I'm a gentle person, and I never thought it was really anything to be happy about. Sometimes I think of gentleness as being weak and lacking authority or decisiveness.

In my work with my clients in social service, I realise that one of the qualities that is important is gentleness. Not just because it helps me work better with them and build my relationship with them, but because it builds trust and it asserts great influence on the working relationship. If we remain humble and gentle, clients are likely to share more because they do not feel that they are being judged, as they have already been so often by the other people in their lives. It just doesn't help to have one more person judging them. When we're gentle with them, they are more open to our ideas because they start to trust that we are working for their best interest in mind.

Being harsh and judgemental will close the door, especially for those who are already hurting and have been through so much in their lives.

It is a journey for me, as someone in the social service, to withhold my judgement and to have compassion, because I have been given much much grace and mercy in my life. I shouldn't see my clients through the social standards of society, but rather, see them as much in need of grace as I do. Because ultimately, when all is stripped away, when money, appearance and successes are no longer a concern, we are all human. We have the same basic needs, the same need to be loved and to love, and the needs of finding purpose and meaning to our existence. We have all fallen too, though we experience the fall in different ways.

It's hard to cope with the many cases that I am taking. I admit that there have been days when I lack compassion for others, and passion for what I do. Cases remain as just cases. And they become only mundane and hard work.

But I hope that my heart will remain tender and I will be gentle with the people I am in contact with. And perhaps, it can only remain so, when I continually see how I have received much grace and realise the gentleness that I have been treated with. I hope that, just as Jesus provides the rest and grace for those who are weary and burdened, I will be able to provide that kind of experience for my clients, especially those who have yet to know Him. Maybe, when they have a different experience, they will come to seek the reason for my hope.

All these words that I type will remain as words, unless God's grace is continually at work in my life, to change me, to be more like Him. I need to press on.

Awesome colleagues

I just received my birthday card from my colleagues. HAHA, yes, 2 months after my birthday.

As I was reading the birthday wishes, I can't help but to be thankful for them. They've brought out the best in me because they accept me for who I am. I don't know how they do that and I am quite sure it's not really a planned concerted effort. Maybe it's because we all belong to the same Body and peace has been paid for. 

I'll always remember them and my time in my office will remain as one of the best periods (if not the best period) of my life. One of my colleagues said that he had so much fun that he'll tell his future grand children about the crazy times we had. Lol. 

Who can ask for any better colleagues? :) Colleagues whom I can connect with when I am my fan-girl self, and colleagues whom I can interact with at a deeper level, discussing issues of the faith and ministry. Even going home with my colleagues can be such a fruitful and satisfying experience when we talk about our struggles, our successes, our thoughts and our crazy ideas. 

My colleagues really rock. :) I will miss them when I'm overseas.