Lessons to ponder about faith

I've been handling a number of crisis cases at work in social service. Crisis cases = cases that require intensive and "asap" follow up because basic needs severely lacking. It's been a tough journey, and honestly I don't know how long this will end because they have somewhat become part and parcel of my work. There are days when I get depressed and feel helpless for my clients, there have been days when I really felt the weight of my client's lives on my shoulders. There are days when I wish these days would stop (for my own sanity), but I don't think they will, because we live in a broken world. And as long as I will continue at where I've been placed, I don't think I will have the chance to stop handling these cases.

However, I've been pondering about how I could see and make sense of all that I've been confronted with.

2 things I feel have been helpful along this journey of having to handle crisis cases: 

1. Trust God for every circumstance, no matter how bad it is or I think it will get

- I tend to worry and get anxious over the slightest things, especially things that shape how I see myself as a person. Sometimes in the midst of crisis cases, I will think that I need to ensure that my clients' crises are solved. I feel that if I don't do well enough or if I can't do well enough, it is my fault and I start blaming myself and feeling bad about myself as a person. But the problem with this is that this reflects an unbelieving heart that does not trust that God is sovereign. The problem is that I make myself to be the saviour, and the one in control; This is pride.

2. Give my best so that God will get the glory

- while I trust God for every circumstance that He handles all things, yet faith also means to trust that He has a purpose for placing me where I am and to put my heart and hands in whoever/whatever He has graciously entrusted me with, so that He will get the glory and praise. Faith also means to trust that His spirit will continue to work in my heart and in my life, to give me grace and strength for each circumstance, and to mold me more into His likeness. And so I work hard because of His good plan and His work in my life. 

I think I am finally able to see a bit of how faith works out. I used to think that faith is somewhat passive. Like, I thought that having faith means that we just leave it to God and we can chill and do less, or do nothing. Or faith means to just pray and claim on God's promises. I think I had trouble understanding what it means to leave things to God and I felt uncomfortable with that. Sure, there are many things not within our control that we surrender to God and know that God will work things out in His good time. But I realise that "surrendering" does not always mean passivity, but it is also an active surrendering. One could actively do something and it certainly is surrendering to God. 

With this mindset, I think this helps me frame how I approach my work a bit better. Trust God with all my heart, and work for the Lord with all my heart too. I hope this attitude will also help me frame how I live out the other areas in my life as well. It can be a very uncomfortable and painful journey as my own sins are being unraveled as I reflect more. But nonetheless, I would want to believe that grace is sufficient.