First chapter in social service: Where the rubber meets the road

It's been a good few years of being at my workplace. I feel that I have gained much, in terms of skills, experience, and most of all, also a step towards change in heart and attitude. I've never learnt so much about myself and some of the realities of the world.

These are a few reflection points of my first chapter in social service that I would want to continue to carry with me to the next chapter of my work:

1. The crucial need to attend to myself before, during and after engagement with people 
It is a misconception that attending to oneself means that one is being selfish. Some might even think that there is no need to do so. Attending to oneself doesn't just mean having a simplistic understanding of "self care" where one takes time off to rest and do leisure activities.

For me, attending to oneself means that one has to be aware of how the people we meet/help/counsel are affecting us (our thoughts, emotions, values, spirit) and how we are responding (in our thoughts, emotions, and spirit) covertly and overtly within ourselves and towards them. The thoughts and emotions in us that are being evoked when engaging people are often very good hints/indicators to our inner self and experience and the other person's inner self and experience. We need to learn to "stay with" these uncomfortable experiences and process them.

If we miss attending to ourselves and to our experience with people, we may respond in ways that are not helpful for ourselves and for others. Say for example, a particular person constantly makes us feel anxious and frustrated, and we feel like running away from this person, or even wish this person doesn't turn up for our appointments. If we do not attend to our emotions of anxiety and frustration and understand what makes us feel these emotions, then we ourselves, as helpers/counsellors are also stuck in our own emotions, and we may respond in a way that is unhelpful for our people because we are responding to them based on our own unprocessed emotions/thoughts/values.

2. Developing a conviction of seeing people as people, not problems
Sometimes the people that we meet have been carrying so many burdens, have many issues that they are facing with and by the time they come to us, we experience them as if they have become the sum of their problems. They portray themselves to be like that too.

We cannot see them as problems, because they are people, with the same value and dignity as fellow human beings, and if I may add, fellow human beings created in God's image.

I have found that if I treat them as fellow human beings, I end up being able to engage them as people, rather than being caught up with having to solve their problems. I end up empowering them, rather than doing everything for them. It is humbling to note that if I constantly see them as problems, then I may be indirectly/subtly be perpetuating how they see themselves as a sum of their problems as well.

Sure, they may really have many issues to deal with, and we may have to hand-hold some of them at times as they work on their issues,  depending on their needs and capacity, but we must still see them as people with value and treat them with the dignity as we would also treat anyone else with less problems than them.


3. The essential need for teamwork and to be a good team player
I (more-than) survived these few years in social service because I have loyal, genuine and very helpful fellow comrades in this with me. Without them, I wouldn't even have my first 2 reflections.

I had and have very good seniors, who are experienced practitioners in the field who have been patiently and with great insight, leading, guiding and developing me each step of the way. I've learnt many important skills and ways of working with a variety of cases.

I have very good friends/colleagues who will stand alongside me to help and encourage me in good times and bad. The things that they do for me may not be earth-shaking, but their sensitivity to my needs, and the seemingly little things that they do, give me strength and refreshment for the journey.

Having experienced such grace from my friends and great insight from my seniors really inspires me to do the same for other colleagues, and for younger colleagues.

4. Dependence on a God who cares and who dwells with us
Since I started working, at the start of each day, I find that I need to pray and find refreshment in His Word. Just thinking of the many needs that I will be experiencing and the challenges at work make me feel overwhelmed. Thinking about how I may not be able to handle many areas of work, and also in my life, make me feel weak and discouraged sometimes.

When I turn to pray, it doesn't mean that I instantly feel a great sense of peace and assurance from Him. Many times I don't, at times I do. But the act of prayer, constantly reminds me of my own need(s) that can only be satisfied in Him. It also constantly reminds me that He is the one who is in control of the lives of the people I meet, meaning, He cares for them and watches over them in His sovereignty, and He is the only one who can satisfy their deepest needs.

I sometimes feel that I am too weak for this work, or for the challenges that life brings. Usually, I would dwell in my own weaknesses and think of quitting because I am not good enough. But I've recently come to a realization that maybe, the sense of being weak and in need is a good thing. It is when I feel weak that I am dependent on Him who is strong. It is when I am feeling in need that I am able to empathize with the people I meet that are in great need.

I'm not saying that God is my emotional "crutch", but I believe that the truth is (as much as we might not want to hear/know), that God is the only one in control of all things. If we examine our lives, we do not have control of many things, even though we really try our best to have control. And, only in Him can our hearts find rest because we are created to be in relationship with Him, to be His own and for His glory. Without Him, our hearts will continue to be restless and we will continue to find satisfaction and meaning in other things/people who will never truly satisfy.

The need for and sense of assurance each day that in Him all things hold together, that I am His child no matter what happens because Christ has died for my guilt and shame, and that He gives His Spirit to me to lead me to live for Him, gives me freedom to truly serve others out of a secure identity I have in Him, and not out of self-doubt, lack of self worth and lack of self identity. Also, this need for assurance in Him helps me to identify with those in need.

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I am far from arriving, and I reckon that I have lots more to learn, reflect on and to grow. But I hope that these liberating lessons will continue to be more true to me each day in my journey.