Marriage Prep

Marriage prep has just started for me and my boyfriend. Even though marriage is something to be looked forward to, somehow it's still scary and uncomfortable. Maybe it's partly because I'm afraid that my own beliefs and values will be challenged. Maybe it's also because I've seen how devastating marriages can be - the hurt, the bitterness, the constant power struggle. It's already exhausting, even as third person trying hard to counsel these couples or just by observing them. I see how marriages that have been left to "take their own course" having a serious negative impact on the couple and on those around them.

I remember I had a teacher who used to say that marriage is hard work. And now I can much better appreciate why he said so. And now I admire him for saying so, because it does show that he sees the value and importance of putting effort to make his marriage work and to protect it. It does inspire me to want to do the same.

I'm glad that we're having marriage prep. After all, it is a transition in life. And as with all transitions, it does help to have some people alongside us to support us through it. I do hope that through the process of preparation, our eyes, minds and hearts will be enlightened and convicted of some important truths from Scripture. And I may be idealistic, but somehow, I do hope that marriage will be a process for us to love one another even more, and to love God more too.

When I was 16, I was taking my English Oral examination and the question for the conversation section was, "What do you think is the most important ingredient in marriage?" I was stumped of course. It's the first time I was thinking about marriage. The answer I gave was "love".

Now, I still come to the same conclusion, but for different reasons and with a different definition of love. When I was 16, I think I was just "smoking" and trying to give a socially acceptable, nice and what I thought was a non-debatable answer. And, I wanted my distinction (which I got, thankfully!). Now, I think love means doing what is best for the other person. Love (for God, or for the other person) is the greatest power to overcome sin, the greatest motivation to make marriage work.

I do hope to learn to love. I feel that I am so lacking in love. I've found that it's much easier to be legalistic than loving. Because legalism gives you pride and puffs you up, but love gives the honour to the other.