Paradox of power and cross

Been doing more reflection than usual. The usual is almost no reflection! I've been so busy and caught up with the many commitments that I have. For some time I've been feeling quite depressed and slightly burnt out.

It really makes a difference to just spend some time, just a little time  doing reflection and thinking through Scripture. I'm finally doing it not out of a sense of duty or a sense that people say is good for me, but because of a relationship. I find that nowadays, when I read Scripture, I am more connected to this relationship and the more I read, the more I want to engage in this relationship. It provides comfort and stability.

I'm discovering one of the coolest truths.

"But he said to me 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'" (2 Cor 12:9)

I've come across this verse many times. But I realise something more about this verse today. I realise that the  greatest evidence for God's power made perfect in weakness is at the cross of Christ. God's power is shown through Jesus' most humiliating and painful moments when He took our sin and shame and He overcame our sin and our shame through raising from the dead.

I'm the kind of person who can't really deal with negative emotions, and I really hate myself sometimes because I am so emotional. And I can't handle negative emotion, particularly anger, depression and fear. Sometimes I feel the shame when I experience these emotions and I feel vulnerable when I am experiencing or confronting them. I don't like the real me. I don't like it when I have to experience such emotions from the people around me too, especially when they are really intense.

When I think of 2 Cor 12:9, I realise that I don't have to be ashamed of who I am and I don't have to be so fearful because God's power is sufficient for all that I hate in myself. He died for my sin and my shame and He is working through my sin and my shame. It isn't even a promise that hasn't been fulfilled, it is already seen through His power at the cross.

God's power at the cross is paradoxical. And I'm comforted that it is as such.

I have been undergoing training on Bowlby's Attachment theory. It is suppose to be one of the most researched psychosocial theories around. It basically is about how all of us human beings need to be connected to a stable attachment figure and this attachment figure is most crucial at points of vulnerability and threat. It presupposes that there is vulnerability and threat in this world and there will be. We hate it, we don't like it, but there will be stressors, grief, pain, fear, depression etc.

The more I think about it, the more I am thankful that God avails Himself as our secure attachment figure. He wouldn't dismiss, feel anxious or be conflicting in treating us when at points of vulnerability and threat. He has shown that He has sent Jesus to deal with mankind's greatest vulnerability and threat and we have His presence with us to overcome these difficult, very difficult experiences that we feel, even sometimes on a daily basis.

Apostle Paul closes 2 Corinthians with these "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all". God can be my secure attachment figure. I find that wonderful and comforting really.

But the difference in God being our secure attachment figure and another human being being an attachment figure is, that I do not need to only turn to Him only in difficult times, but at all times too. Nevertheless, I am glad and thankful that He will be there at the most difficult times; hope to grow in conviction of this truth.