Intrinsic worth, particular value

I had listened to a conference about what it means to be human. What really struck me as I listened to the sharing was when the speaker talked about the particular value of human beings. This means that while every human being has intrinsic worth because they are human, every human being is also created different; no two people are ever the same. The individuality/personality that we have and develop is also of intrinsic value. This will reflect one of the psalms that speaks of how we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and how God knows us for who we are, inside out.

Knowing this truth really rocked my world; no, literally, it has.

Since listening to the conference, I can't help but to think about it because it resonates with one of the more essential struggles that I face: accepting myself for who I am because God has created me to be unique and there is no one else like me.

But it doesn't just stop there. I realise that I face the struggle to also surrender who I am to God and submit to His will for me and my life. The speaker also shared about how need not covet to be someone else because we are uniquely created by God, but how we also need to submit who we are to God who created us.

So it's kind of like a 2-pronged struggle that I realise that I'm facing: First, would be accepting who I am, and second, to submit myself to God with who I am.

Being an introvert and a rather self-conscious and shy person, I always admire people who are confident, who can rally and influence people. I also admire people who have almost all the traits of  someone whom everyone loves/likes (e.g. maybe it's their knowledge, skills-set, their emotional steadiness, their servitude and kindness). I start to dislike myself when I fall short of likability by people, and I am very hard on myself whenever I fail.

How can I love or even like someone like me?

No, and I am not a loner. I do have friends and people who would hang out with me. But I suspect that no matter how many friends that I have or how many people who would like me, I would still feel anxious and insecure of who I am because the struggle is internal. And it would be easy for anyone close enough to shake my sense of who I am.

What I do though, to make myself feel better about myself is to watch and learn. I observe how to behave in order to be liked more and I just try to fit into that mold - mainly of a good Christian girl (which is of course, culturally influenced and group influenced).

But I've come to realise that this strategy is not anything Christian at all. I doubt that I have intrinsic worth because I'm created in God's image - I have to work for my worth, I doubt that God created me unique, and I doubt that Christ's death on the cross is enough for me to be loved and accepted by Him.

-POINT OF STRUGGLE-

As I reflect on this issue, I realise that I shouldn't run away from the struggle. I may not change overnight, but it is worth considering, reflecting and acting upon.

As I know my strengths and my weaknesses, I need not compare them to others' strengths and weaknesses. It's something that I think I subconsciously do, and I start dividing people into categories of Much better than me, better than me, same as me, worse than me, much worse than me. I don't actually put them into categories consciously, but I think I sometimes treat people differently, based on whether they are worthy of my attention or not.

But now, first, I do want to start see myself as a unique person. People are different from me; uniquely different. I may not be close to everyone in the same way or even like everyone the same, but I can appreciate our similarities and our differences, and appreciate people for how God has created them uniquely. A person may be more skilled than me in certain areas, but it doesn't have to get me down or make me look down on myself. I don't even need to console myself to think that I have other areas better than that particular person. Because I am uniquely created by God and I have worth for who I am.

As I write here, I still struggle to come to this conviction, but I do hope that God will help me through this struggle.

Second, I do want to learn to submit my strengths and weaknesses to God. And I do think that sometimes, the most amazing thing is that God also uses our weaknesses for His glory. I've seen this in at least one aspect of my life.

For instance, I am able to identify and support people who are broken and feeling emotionally down or anxious, because I'm a very emotionally sensitive person. It's what I do everyday with the people that I meet, given that I am in the social service field. If you ask me whether being emotionally sensitive is a strength or weakness, I would naturally say that it is a weakness.

No one likes anyone who projects negative emotions onto others and no one likes emotionally unstable people. At least, I don't. But I have come to realise why I have developed the capacity to hold negative emotion : it is because I have experienced lots of negative emotions at some points in my life, and I can empathize with those who do. And somehow, I know that God has placed me where I am for that purpose. Under His will, I cannot criticize and be judgemental to people like that, because I have been shown love and grace in spite of my weaknesses. I can only show love and grace to these people too.

Of course, sometimes submitting who we are to God will also mean that we allow God to shape us for Himself and His will in our lives. It means that we cannot use our strengths and weaknesses as excuses to not do what is pleasing to Him. We need to prayerfully consider how God is using who we are in His ministry, in people's lives. Because we are created uniquely, we don't need to think of becoming like someone else in vocation and ministry. For example, being a pastor or missionary need not be the only vocation/ministry we need to consider as young Christians. Even in the mission field or whichever field of work or studies, how one Christian lives out his lifestyle and faith would be distinct from another. Distinct, but always reflecting an aspect(s) of who God is.

It's really a paradigm shift for me, even as I reflect on these truths about what it means to be human. I realise that I've not understood it much even though I've been a Christian for several years. Really hope to continue to delight in these precious truths of what I've learnt from the conference, and that they may be internalised with the Lord's help.