Confusion

I can't really understand what I am feeling and why I am feeling what I'm feeling. The critical voice in me would put myself down and make me feel that I have not done good enough, that my heart is not fully in it and that therefore I should quit before I negatively influence others. Or so I think I would.

Yet, there is a part of me that also remembers all that God has led me to do, and how He has provided even when there are times I didn't ask or put in much effort. Maybe I can trust that He will provide along the way.

Should I carry on? or should I move on from here? But if I move on, then what will become of them? I know I'm not indispensible, but still.

What will others think of me? Will I get support for the ministry that I am passionate about? or would I be seen as someone who just decided to take the easy way out and quit. And if I don't get support, can I still believe that if I ever choose to move on, that I can do it with a good conscience knowing that God is still for me?

It's really tiring to be in this state of ambivalence. It's tiring to put up this act like everything is okay. It's sad that I feel this way on a constant basis.