Painful decision

I've finally made a decision.

I feel sad, loss and pain. I wish I could do more and I could last longer. I'm just thankful our leader is not upset with me or made me feel any more guilty or sad than I already am. That really helps.

It's been hard work, but more joyous than burdensome.

I suppose I'm glad I finally made a decision. Been ambivalent for so long since about a year ago.

But I still feel the pain and the loss.  And I'm definitely concerned about the possible negative impact of this decision. Yet if I don't make this decision, it's not going to be helpful for the people involved as well.

I think God did assure me in some ways, that it is okay to not be able to cope with so much, and that His love is not dependent on what I do. It really doesn't matter what others think or perceive as long as I know why I'm doing what I'm doing and that it is not something dishonouring to God.

I'll blog more about this when it is more open and announced to the people around me. There's just so much I want to say, though now is not the time. Need to let this whole thing sink in and for God to assure me that everything is gonna be alright.